Thursday, 18 December 2014

The importance of acceptance.

I promised myself this year I would write more and I guess I let myself down again. So I thought I would crack on with my 2015 resolution and start as I mean to go on and make amends with that resolution.

The difference today is that I've been very inspired to write recently. With my birthday tomorrow, the week running up to it has always been a time of reflection for me. I look back to where I was last year and it truly is incredible to see how much can change in many aspects of your life in one year. Luckily for me it is all for the better this year... Now that is a nice thing to say.

2014 wasn't a bed of roses, believe me, but I've come out the other side a stronger person and happier than I've ever been before. Let me explain....

This time last year I was getting over a horrible break up and the whole process was tearing me apart, killing my confidence and making me generally bleak.

I've previously spoken to you before about my weight loss... Well, I never admitted this before but the main trigger for me to really lose all my weight was him. Pre-him I had started to lose weight, I think I was at my biggest in 2007 but being with him really spurred me on to lose more. The reason was certain comments were made and I never felt good enough to be by his side. I had no confidence in my self at all around him. I was even conscious of everything that came out of my mouth (he would correct my English). It was tiring and draining, and I became a person my mum admitted she no longer recognised.

You're probably feeling anger and hate for him now but he actually did me a favour. Yes, perhaps eating soup and Ryvita for dinner was a little extreme (it didn't last long) but going through that horrible process meant it gave me the kick start I needed.

A year on, well 2 months following our break up, I am no longer doing it for him, it's purely for my self. I thrive off the fact I'm leading a healthier lifestyle, releasing those amazing things called endorphins in the gym and feeling the most confident I have ever felt in my self.

Notice that I didn't mention the size of my dress there... Well, as the theme of this blog is acceptance, I need to explain just how lucky a girl I am. Although I used to have a man in my life who was toxic, luckily for me I always had a strong group of friends and family to fall back on.

I visited my best friend Joe at the weekend. We were talking about my losing weight and the ex etc and Joe simply said:

"Liz, in our group of friends you were never the big girl. It was never mentioned between us and we only started talking about it when you started losing weight and thought, oh Liz is looking really good and happy. It was never, ever an issue and if the occasional drunk ever said anything to you we would all just be really shocked and get protective."

I look back now and remember how much time I would spend thinking about what I looked like to other people. Joe remembers how long it used to take me to get ready and how many times I would get changed before a night out. I guess my glamorous clothes were an armour and distraction from the self conscious feelings that were bubbling away underneath.

A year on I am still single but I truly feel happy with that (I haven't always felt like this year).I believe you don't meet the person you're meant to be with until you're happy with yourself. Well I am bring it on karmic universe.

I am waking up on my own on my birthday, something I've never done but want to do, without an armour of family or friends initially around me. Then I have a day filled with the truest kind of love a girl could ask for, and plenty of Prosecco. I am so lucky.